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    • Vol. 1 - Preface and Introduction >
      • The First Epistle of Clement to the Corinthians
      • The Epistle of Mathetes to Diognetus
      • The Epistle of Polycarp to the Philippians
      • The Epistle Concerning the Martyrdom of Polycarp
      • The Epistles of Ignatius - Introduction >
        • The Epistle of Ignatius to the Ephesians
        • The Epistle of Ignatius to the Magnesians
        • The Epistle of Ignatius to the Trallians
        • The Epistle of Ignatius to the Romans
        • The Epistle of Ignatius to the Philadelphians
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        • The Epistle of Ignatius to Polycarp
      • The Ignatian Epistles (Syriac Version) >
        • The Epistle of Ignatius to Polycarp (Syriac Version)
        • The Second Epistle Of Ignatius to the Ephesians (Syriac Version)
        • The Third Epistle of the Same St. Igantius (Syriac Version)
      • Introductory to the Spurious Epistles of Ignatius >
        • The Epistle of Ignatius to the Tarsians (Spurious)
        • The Epistle of Ignatius to the Antiochians (Spurious)
        • The Epistle of Ignatius to Hero, a Deacon of Antioch (Spurious)
        • The Epistle of Ignatius to the Philippians (Spurious)
        • The Epistle of Maria the Proselyte to Ignatius (Spurious)
        • The Epistle of Ignatius to Mary at Nepalis, Near Zarbus (Spurious)
        • The Epistle of Ignatius to St. John the Apostle (Spurious)
        • A Second Epistle of Ignatius to St. John (Spurious)
        • The Epistle of Ignatius to the Virgin Mary (Spurious)
      • Introductory Note to the Martyrdom of Ignatius >
        • The Martyrdom of Ignatius
      • The Epistle of Barnabas
      • The Fragments of Papias
      • Introduction to the Writings of Justin Martyr >
        • The First Apology of Justin Martyr >
          • Epistle of Adrian in behalf of the Christians
          • Epistle of Antoninus to the common assembly of Asia
          • Epistle of Marcus Aurelius to the senate, in which he testifies that the Christians were the cause of his victory
        • The Second Apology of Justin for the Christians Addressed to the Roman Senate
        • Dialogue of Justin, Philosopher and Martyr, with Trypho, a Jew
        • The Discourse to the Greeks - Justin Martyr
        • Justin's Hortatory Address to the Greeks
        • Justin on the Sole Government of God
        • Fragments of the Lost Work of Justin on the Resurrection
        • Other Fragments from the Lost Writings of Justin
        • The Martyrdom of the Holy Martyrs Justin, Chariton, Charites, Pæon, and Liberianus, who Suffered at Rome
      • Introductory Note to Irenæus Against Heresies >
        • Against Heresies: Book 1 - Irenaeus
        • Against Heresies: Book 2 - Irenaeus
        • Against Heresies: Book 3 - Irenaeus
        • Against Heresies: Book 4 - Irenaeus
        • Against Heresies: Book 5 - Irenaeus
        • Fragments from the Lost Writings of Irenaeus
    • Vol. 2 - Fathers of the Second Century >
      • The Pastor of Hermas - Introduction >
        • The Pastor of Hermas: Book 1
        • The Pastor of Hermas: Book 2
        • The Pastor of Hermas: Book 3
      • Tatian the Assyrian's Address to the Greeks >
        • Fragments - Tatian the Assyrian
      • Theophilus of Antioch - Introduction >
        • Theophilus of Antioch to Autolycus: Book 1
        • Theophilus of Antioch to Autolycus: Book 2
        • Theophilus of Antioch to Autolycus: Book 3
      • Athenagoras >
        • A Plea For the Christians By Athenagoras the Athenian: Philosopher and Christian
        • The Treatise of Athenagoras the Athenian, Philosopher and Christian, on the Resurrection of the Dead
      • Clement of Alexandria - Introductory Note >
        • Exhortation to the Heathen
        • The Instructor (Paedagogus) - Book 1
        • The Instructor (Paedagogus) - Book 2
        • The Instructor (Paedagogus) - Book 3
        • Elucidations - Clement of Alexandria
        • The Stromata, or Miscellanies - Book 1
        • Elucidations - Purpose of the Stromata
        • The Stromata, or Miscellanies - Book 2
        • Elucidations - The Stromata, Book 2
        • The Stromata, or Miscellanies - Book 3
        • The Stromata, or Miscellanies - Book 4
        • Elucidations - The Stromata, Book 4
        • The Stromata, or Miscellanies - Book 5
        • Elucidations - The Stromata, Book 5
        • The Stromata, or Miscellanies - Book 6
        • Elucidations - The Stromata, Book 6
        • The Stromata, or Miscellanies - Book 7
        • Elucidations - The Stromata, Book 7
        • The Stromata, or Miscellanies - Book 8
        • Elucidations - The Stromata, Book 8
        • Fragments of Clemens Alexandrinus
        • Clemens Alexandrinus on the Salvation of the Rich Man
        • Elucidations - Clemens Alexandrinus on the Salvation of the Rich Man
    • Vol. 3 - Tertullian >
      • Section 1 - Apologetic - Tertullian >
        • The Apology
        • On Idolatry
        • The Shows, or De Spectaculis
        • The Chaplet, or De Corona
        • To Scapula
        • Ad Nationes - Book 1
        • Ad Nationes - Book 2
        • A Fragment Concerning the Execrable Gods of the Heathen
        • An Answer to the Jews
        • The Soul's Testimony
        • A Treatise on the Soul
      • Section 2 - Anti-Marcion - Tertullian >
        • The Prescription Against Heretics
        • The Five Books Against Marcion - Book 1
        • The Five Books Against Marcion - Book 2
        • The Five Books Against Marcion - Book 3
        • The Five Books Against Marcion - Book 4
        • The Five Books Against Marcion - Book 5
        • Against Hermogenes - Containing an Argument Against His Opinion that Matter is Eternal
        • Against the Valentinians
        • On the Flesh of Christ
        • On the Resurrection of the Flesh
        • Against Praxeas
        • Scorpiace
        • Against all Heresies
      • Section 3 - Ethical - Tertullian >
        • On Repentance
        • On Baptism
        • On Prayer
        • Ad Martyras
        • Introductory Notice to the Martyrdom of Perpetua and Felicitas
        • The Passion of the Holy Martyrs Perpetua and Felicitas
        • Of Patience
    • Vol. 4 - Tertullian, Minucius Felix, Commodianus, Origen >
      • Tertullian >
        • On the Pallium
        • On the Apparel of Women
        • On the Veiling of Virgins
        • To His Wife
        • On Exhortation to Chastity
        • On Monogamy
        • On Modesty
        • On Fasting (In Opposition to the Psychics)
        • De Fuga in Persecutione
        • Appendix
      • Minucius Felix >
        • The Octavius of Minucius Felix
  • Books
    • John Henry Cardinal Newman >
      • An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine by John Henry Cardinal Newman >
        • An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine - Part 1: Doctrinal Developments Viewed in Themselves >
          • An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine - Part 1, Chapter 1: On the Development of Ideas
          • An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine - Part 1, Chapter 2: On the Antecedent Argument in Behalf of Developments in Christian Doctrine
          • An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine - Part 1, Chapter 3: On the Historical Argument in Behalf of the Existing Developments
          • An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine - Part 1, Chapter 4: Instances in Illustration
        • An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine - Part 2: Doctrinal Developments Viewed Relatively to Doctrinal Corruptions >
          • An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine - Part 2, Chapter 5: Genuine Developments Contrasted with Corruptions
          • An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine - Part 2, Chapter 6: Application of the Seven Notes to the Existing Developments of Christian Doctrine
          • An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine - Part 2, Chapter 7: Application of the Second Note of a True Development
          • An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine - Part 2, Chapter 8: Application of the Third Note of a True Development
          • An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine - Part 2, Chapter 9: Application of the Fourth Note of a True Development
          • An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine - Part 2, Chapter 10: Application of the Fifth Note of a True Development
          • An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine - Part 2, Chapter 11: Application of the Sixth Note of a True Development
          • An Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine - Part 2, Chapter 12: Application of the Seventh Note of a True Development
      • Apologia Pro Vita Sua By John Henry Cardinal Newman >
        • Apologia Pro Vita Sua, Part 1: Mr. Kingsley's Method of Disputation
        • Apologia Pro Vita Sua, Part 2: True Mode of Meeting Mr. Kingsley
        • Apologia Pro Vita Sua, Part 3: History of My Religious Opinions
        • Apologia Pro Vita Sua, Part 4: History of My Religious Opinions--1833 - 1839
        • Apologia Pro Vita Sua, Part 5: History of My Religious Opinions--1839 - 1841
        • Apologia Pro Vita Sua, Part 6: History of My Religious Opinions--1841 - 1845
        • Apologia Pro Vita Sua, Part 7: General Answer to Mr. Kingsley
        • Apologia Pro Vita Sua, Appendix: Answer in Detail to Mr. Kingsley's Accusations
      • The Idea of a University Defined and Illustrated by John Henry Cardinal Newman >
        • The Idea of a University, Discourse 1: Introductory
        • The Idea of a University, Discourse 2: Theology A Branch Of Knowledge
        • The Idea of a University, Discourse 3: Bearing Of Theology On Other Branches Of Knowledge
        • The Idea of a University, Discourse 4: Bearing Of Other Branches Of Knowledge On Theology
        • The Idea of a University, Discourse 5: Knowledge Its Own End
        • The Idea of a University, Discourse 6: Knowledge Viewed In Relation To Learning
        • The Idea of a University, Discourse 7: Knowledge Viewed In Relation To Professional Skill
        • The Idea of a University, Discourse 8: Knowledge Viewed In Relation To Religion
        • The Idea of a University, Discourse 9: Duties Of The Church Towards Knowledge
        • University Subjects, Discussed in Occasional Lectures and Essays >
          • Lecture 1 - Christianity And Letters. A Lecture in the School of Philosophy and Letters
          • Lecture 2 - Literature. A Lecture in the School of Philosophy and Letters
          • Lecture 3 - English Catholic Literature
          • Lecture 4 - Elementary Studies
          • Lecture 5 - A Form Of Infidelity Of The Day
          • Lecture 6 - University Preaching
          • Lecture 7 - Christianity and Physical Science. A Lecture in the School of Medicine
          • Lecture 8 - Christianity And Scientific Investigation. A Lecture Written for the School of Science
          • Lecture 9 - Discipline Of Mind. An Address To The Evening Classes
          • Lecture 10 - Christianity And Medical Science. An Address to the Students Of Medicine
      • Loss and Gain: The Story of a Convert by John Henry Cardinal Newman >
        • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 1 >
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 2
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 3
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 4
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 5
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 6
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 7
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 8
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 9
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 10
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 11
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 12
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 13
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 14
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 15
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 16
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 17
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 18
        • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 1 >
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 2
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 3
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 4
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 5
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 6
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 7
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 8
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 9
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 10
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 11
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 12
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 13
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 14
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 15
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 16
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 17
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 18
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 19
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 20
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 21
        • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 1 >
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 2
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 3
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 4
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 5
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 6
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 7
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 8
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 9
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 10
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 11
    • Saint Augustine of Hippo >
      • The Confessions of Saint Augustine by Saint Augustine, Bishop of Hippo >
        • Book 1 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 2 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 3 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 4 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 5 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 6 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 7 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 8 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 9 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 10 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 11 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 12 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 13 - Confessions by St. Augustine
    • G K Chesterton >
      • Heretics by G.K. Chesterton >
        • Heretics, Chapter 1: Introductory Remarks on the Importance of Orthodoxy
        • Heretics, Chapter 2: On the Negative Spirit
        • Heretics, Chapter 3: On Mr. Rudyard Kipling and Making the World Small
        • Heretics, Chapter 4: Mr. Bernard Shaw
        • Heretics, Chapter 5: Mr. H.G. Wells and the Giants
        • Heretics, Chapter 6: Christmas and the Aesthetes
        • Heretics, Chapter 7: Omar and the Sacred Vine
        • Heretics, Chapter 8: The Mildness of the Yellow Press
        • Heretics, Chapter 9: The Moods of Mr. George Moore
        • Heretics, Chapter 10: On Sandals and Simplicity
        • Heretics, Chapter 11: Science and the Savages
        • Heretics, Chapter 12: Paganism and Mr. Lowes Dickinson
        • Heretics, Chapter 13: Celts and Celtophiles
        • Heretics, Chapter 14: On Certain Modern Writers and the Institution of the Family
        • Heretics, Chapter 15: On Smart Novelists and the Smart Set
        • Heretics, Chapter 16: On Mr. McCabe and a Divine Frivolity
        • Heretics, Chapter 17: On the Wit of Whistler
        • Heretics, Chapter 18: The Fallacy of the Young Nation
        • Heretics, Chapter 19: Slum Novelists and the Slums
        • Heretics, Chapter 20: Concluding Remarks on the Importance of Orthodoxy
      • Orthodoxy by G. K. Chesterton >
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 1: Introduction in Defense of Everything Else
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 2: The Maniac
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 3: The Suicide of Thought
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 4: The Ethics of Elfland
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 5: The Flag of the World
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 6: The Paradoxes of Christianity
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 7: The Eternal Revolution
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 8: The Romance of Orthodoxy
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 9: Authority and the Adventurer
    • Saint Thomas Aquinas >
      • On Prayer and the Contemplative Life by St. Thomas Aquinas >
        • On Prayer, Question LXXXI: Of the Virtue of Religion
        • On Prayer, Question LXXXII: Of Devotion
        • On Prayer, Question LXXXIII: Of Prayer
        • On Prayer, Question LXXII: Of the Prayers of the Saints who are in Heaven
        • On Prayer, Question CLXXIX: Of the Division of Life into the Active and the Contemplative
        • On Prayer, Question CLXXX: Of the Contemplative Life
        • On Prayer, Question CLXXXI: Of the Active Life
        • On Prayer, Question CLXXXII: Of the Comparison between the Active and the Contemplative Life
        • On Prayer, Question CLXXXVI: On the Religious State
      • Summa Theologica Part 1 ("Prima Pars") by St. Thomas Aquinas >
        • Summa Theologica (Questions 1 - 26)
        • Summa Theologica: Treatise on the Most Holy Trinity (Questions 27 - 43)
        • Summa Theologica: Treatise on the Creation (Questions 44 - 49)
        • Summa Theologica: Treatise on the Angels (Questions 50 - 64)
        • Summa Theologica: Treatise on the Work of the Six Days (Questions 65 - 74)
        • Summa Theologica: Treatise on Man (Questions 75 - 102)
        • Summa Theologica: Treatise on the Conservation and Government of Creatures (Questions 103 - 119)
      • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae") by St. Thomas Aquinas >
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on the Last End (Questions 1 - 5)
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on Human Acts: Acts Peculiar to Man (Questions 6 - 21)
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on the Passions (Questions 22 - 48)
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on Habits (Questions 49 - 54)
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on Habits in Particular (Questions 55 - 89): Good Habits, i.e., Virtues (Questions 55 - 70)
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on Habits in Particular (Questions 55 - 89): Evil Habits, i.e., Vices and Sin (Questions 71 - 89)
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on Law (Questions 90 - 108)
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on Grace (Questions 109 - 114)
      • Summa Theologica Part 2-2 ("Second Secundae") by St. Thomas Aquinas >
        • Summa Theologica Part 2-2 ("Second Secundae"): Treatise on the Theological Virtues (Questions 1 - 46)
        • Summa Theologica Part 2-2 ("Second Secundae"): Treatise on the Cardinal Virtues (Questions 47 - 122)
        • Summa Theologica Part 2-2 ("Second Secundae"): Treatise on Fortitude and Temperance (Questions 123 - 170)
        • Summa Theologica Part 2-2 ("Second Secundae"): Treatise on Gratuitous Graces (Questions 171 - 182)
        • Summa Theologica Part 2-2 ("Second Secundae"): Treatise on the States of Life (Questions 183 - 189)
      • Summa Theologica Third Part ("Tertia Pars") by St. Thomas Aquinas >
        • Summa Theologica Third Part ("Tertia Pars"): Treatise on the Incarnation (Questions 1 - 59)
        • Summa Theologica Third Part ("Tertia Pars"): Treatise on the Sacraments (Questions 60 - 90)
    • The Baltimore Catechism >
      • The Baltimore Catechism, Vol. 1
      • The Baltimore Catechism, Vol. 2
      • The Baltimore Catechism, Vol. 3
      • The Baltimore Catechism, Vol. 4
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Loss and Gain
Part 3, Chapter 5


CHAPTER V.

"If you have made up your mind, Reding," said Carlton, "it's no good talking. May you be happy wherever you are! You must always be yourself; as a Romanist, you will still be Charles Reding."

"I know I have a kind, sympathizing friend in you, Carlton. You have always listened to me, never snubbed me except when I deserved it. You know more about me than any one else. Campbell is a dear, good fellow, and will soon be dearer to me still. It isn't generally known yet, but he is to marry my sister. He has borne with me now for two years; never been hard upon me; always been at my service when I wanted to talk with him. But no one makes me open my heart as you do, Carlton; you sometimes have differed from me, but you have always understood me."

"Thank you for your kind words," answered Carlton; "but to me it is a perfect mystery why you should leave us. I enter into your reasons: I cannot, for the life of me, see how you come to your conclusion."

"To me, on the other hand, Carlton, it is like two and two make four; and you make two and two five, and are astonished that I won't agree with you."

"We must leave these things to a higher power," said Carlton. "I hope we sha'n't be less friends, Reding, when you are in another communion. We know each other; these outward things cannot change us."

Reding sighed; he saw clearly that his change of religion, when completed, would not fail to have an effect on Carlton's thoughts about him, as on those of others. It could not possibly be otherwise; he was sure himself to feel different about Carlton.

After a while, Carlton said gently, "Is it quite impossible, Reding, that now at the eleventh hour we may retain you? what _are_ your grounds?"

"Don't let us argue, dear Carlton," answered Reding; "I have done with argument. Or, if I must say something for manners' sake, I will but tell you that I have fulfilled your request. You bade me read the Anglican divines; I have given a great deal of time to them, and I am embracing that creed which alone is the scope to which they converge in their separate teachings; the creed which upholds the divinity of tradition with Laud, consent of Fathers with Beveridge, a visible Church with Bramhall, dogma with Bull, the authority of the Pope with Thorndike, penance with Taylor, prayers for the dead with Ussher, celibacy, asceticism, ecclesiastical discipline with Bingham. I am going to a Church, which in these, and a multitude of other points, is nearer the Apostolic Church than any existing one; which is the continuation of the Apostolic Church, if it has been continued at all. And _seeing_ it to be _like_ the Apostolic Church, I _believe_ it to be the _same_. Reason has gone first, faith is to follow."

He stopped, and Carlton did not reply; a silence ensued, and Charles at length broke it. "I repeat, it's no use arguing; I have made up my mind, and been very slow about it. I have broken it to my mother, and bade her farewell. All is determined; I cannot go back."

"Is that a nice feeling?" said Carlton, half reproachfully.

"Understand me," answered Reding; "I have come to my resolution with great deliberation. It has remained on my mind as a mere intellectual conclusion for a year or two; surely now at length without blame I may change it into a practical resolve. But none of us can answer that those habitual and ruling convictions, on which it is our duty to act, will remain before our consciousness every moment, when we come into the hurry of the world, and are assailed by inducements and motives of various kinds. Therefore I say that the time of argument is past; I act on a conclusion already drawn."

"But how do you know," asked Carlton, "but what you have been unconsciously biassed in arriving at it? one notion has possessed you, and you have not been able to shake it off. The ability to retain your convictions in the bustle of life is to my mind the very test, the necessary test of their reality."

"I do, I do retain them," answered Reding; "they are always upon me."

"Only at times, as you have yourself confessed," objected Carlton: "surely you ought to have a very strong conviction indeed, to set against the mischief you are doing by a step of this kind. Consider how many persons you are unsettling; what a triumph you are giving to the enemies of all religion; what encouragement to the notion that there is no such thing as truth; how you are weakening our Church. Well, all I say is, that you should have very strong convictions to set against all this."

"Well," said Charles, "I grant, I maintain, that the only motive which is sufficient to justify such an act, is the conviction that one's salvation depends on it. Now, I speak sincerely, my dear Carlton, in saying that I don't think I shall be saved if I remain in the English Church."

"Do you mean that there is no salvation in our Church?" said Carlton, rather coldly.

"I am talking of myself; it's not my place to judge others. I only say, God calls _me_, and I must follow at the risk of my soul."

"God '_calls_' you!" said Carlton; "what does that mean? I don't like it; it's dissenting language."

"You know it is Scripture language," answered Reding.

"Yes, but people don't in Scripture _say_ 'I'm called;' the calling was an act from without, the act of others, not an inward feeling."

"But, my dear Carlton, how _is_ a person to get at truth, now, when there can be no simple outward call?"

"That seems to me a pretty good intimation," answered Carlton, "that we are to remain where Providence has placed us."

"Now this is just one of the points on which I can't get at the bottom of the Church of England's doctrine," Reding replied. "But it's so on so many other subjects! it's always so. Are members of the Church of England to seek the truth, or have they it given them from the first? do they seek it for themselves, or is it ready provided for them?"

Carlton thought a moment, and seemed doubtful what to answer; then he said that we must, of course, seek it. It was a part of our moral probation to seek the truth.

"Then don't talk to me about our position," said Charles; "I hardly expected _you_ to make this answer; but it is what the majority of Church-of-England people say. They tell us to seek, they give us rules for seeking, they make us exert our private judgment; but directly we come to any conclusion but theirs, they turn round and talk to us of our 'providential position.' But there's another thing. Tell me, supposing we ought all to seek the truth, do you think that members of the English Church do seek it in that way which Scripture enjoins upon all seekers? Think how very seriously Scripture speaks of the arduousness of finding, the labour of seeking, the duty of thirsting after the truth? I don't believe the bulk of the English clergy, the bulk of Oxford residents, Heads of houses, Fellows of Colleges (with all their good points, which I am not the man to deny), have ever sought the truth. They have taken what they found, and have used no private judgment at all. Or if they have judged, it has been in the vaguest, most cursory way possible; or they have looked into Scripture only to find proofs for what they were bound to subscribe, as undergraduates getting up the Articles. Then they sit over their wine, and talk about this or that friend who has 'seceded,' and condemn him, and" (glancing at the newspaper on the table) "assign motives for his conduct. Yet, after all, which is the more likely to be right,--he who has given years, perhaps, to the search of truth, who has habitually prayed for guidance, and has taken all the means in his power to secure it, or they, 'the gentlemen of England who sit at home at ease'? No, no, they may talk of seeking the truth, of private judgment, as a duty, but they have never sought, they have never judged; they are where they are, not because it is true, but because they find themselves there, because it is their 'providential position,' and a pleasant one into the bargain."

Reding had got somewhat excited; the paragraph in the newspaper had annoyed him. But, without taking that into account, there was enough in the circumstances in which he found himself to throw him out of his ordinary state of mind. He was in a crisis of peculiar trial, which a person must have felt to understand. Few men go to battle in cold blood, or prepare without agitation for a surgical operation. Carlton, on the other hand, was a quiet, gentle person, who was not heard to use an excited word once a year.

The conversation came to a stand. At length Carlton said, "I hope, dear Reding, you are not joining the Church of Rome merely because there are unreasonable, unfeeling persons in the Church of England."

Charles felt that he was not showing to advantage, and that he was giving rise to the very surmises about the motives of his conversion which he was deprecating.

"It is a sad thing," he said, with something of self-reproach, "to spend our last minutes in wrangling. Forgive me, Carlton, if I have said anything too strongly or earnestly." Carlton thought he had; he thought him in an excited state; but it was no use telling him so; so he merely pressed his offered hand affectionately, and said nothing.

Presently he said, dryly and abruptly, "Reding, do you know any Roman Catholics?"

"No," answered Reding; "Willis indeed, but I hav'n't seen even him these two years. It has been entirely the working of my own mind."

Carlton did not answer at once; then he said, as dryly and abruptly as before, "I suspect, then, you will have much to bear with when you know them."

"What do you mean?" asked Reding.

"You will find them under-educated men, I suspect."

"What do _you_ know of them?" said Reding.

"I suspect it," answered Carlton.

"But what's that to the purpose?" asked Charles.

"It's a thing you should think of. An English clergyman is a gentleman; you may have more to bear than you reckon for, when you find yourself with men of rude minds and vulgar manners."

"My dear Carlton, a'n't you talking of what you know nothing at all about?"

"Well, but you should think of it, you should contemplate it," said Carlton; "I judge from their letters and speeches which one reads in the papers."

Charles thought awhile; then he said, "Certainly, I don't like many things which are done and said by Roman Catholics just now; but I don't see how all this can be more than a trial and a cross; I don't see how it affects the great question."

"No, except that you may find yourself a fish out of water," answered Carlton; "you may find yourself in a position where you can act with no one, where you will be quite thrown away."

"Well," said Charles, "as to the fact, I know nothing about it; it may be as you say, but I don't think much of your proof. In all communities the worst is on the outside. What offends me in Catholic public proceedings need be no measure, nay, I believe cannot be a measure, of the inward Catholic mind. I would not judge the Anglican Church by Exeter Hall, nay, not by Episcopal Charges. We see the interior of our own Church, the exterior of the Church of Rome. This is not a fair comparison."

"But look at their books of devotion," insisted Carlton; "they can't write English."

Reding smiled at Carlton, and slowly shook his head to and fro, while he said, "They write English, I suppose, as classically as St. John writes Greek."

Here again the conversation halted, and nothing was heard for a while but the simmering of the kettle.

There was no good in disputing, as might be seen from the first; each had his own view, and that was the beginning and the end of the matter. Charles stood up. "Well, dearest Carlton," he said, "we must part; it must be going on for eleven." He pulled out of his pocket a small "Christian Year." "You have often seen me with this," he continued, "accept it in memory of me. You will not see me, but here is a pledge that I will not forget you, that I will ever remember you." He stopped, much affected. "Oh, it is very hard to leave you all, to go to strangers," he went on; "I do not wish it, but I cannot help it; I am called, I am compelled." He stopped again; the tears flowed down his cheeks. "All is well," he said, recovering himself, "all is well; but it's hard at the time, and scarcely any one to feel for me; black looks, bitter words.... I am pleasing myself, following my own will ... well...." and he began looking at his fingers and slowly rubbing his palms one on another. "It must be," he whispered to himself, "through tribulation to the kingdom, sowing in tears, reaping in joy...." Another pause, and a new train of thought came over him; "Oh," he said, "I fear so very much, so very much, that all you who do not come forward will go back. You cannot stand where you are; for a time you will think you do, then you will oppose us, and still think you keep your ground while you use the same words as before; but your belief, your opinions will decline. You will hold less. And then, in time, it will strike you that, in differing with Protestants, you are contending only about words. They call us Rationalists; take care you don't fall into Liberalism. And now, my dearest Carlton, my one friend in Oxford who was patient and loving towards me, good-bye. May we meet not long hence in peace and joy. I cannot go to you; you must come to me."

They embraced each other affectionately; and the next minute Charles was running down the staircase.

NEXT:
Part 3, Chapter 6

SUBMENU

Loss and Gain: The Story of a Convert by John Henry Cardinal Newman

Part 1, Chapter 1

Part 1, Chapter 2

Part 1, Chapter 3

Part 1, Chapter 4

Part 1, Chapter 5

Part 1, Chapter 6

Part 1, Chapter 7

Part 1, Chapter 8

Part 1, Chapter 9

Part 1, Chapter 10

Part 1, Chapter 11

Part 1, Chapter 12

Part 1, Chapter 13

Part 1, Chapter 14

Part 1, Chapter 15

Part 1, Chapter 16

Part 1, Chapter 17

Part 1, Chapter 18

Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 1

Part 2, Chapter 2

Part 2, Chapter 3

Part 2, Chapter 4

Part 2, Chapter 5

Part 2, Chapter 6

Part 2, Chapter 7

Part 2, Chapter 8

Part 2, Chapter 9

Part 2, Chapter 10

Part 2, Chapter 11

Part 2, Chapter 12

Part 2, Chapter 13

Part 2, Chapter 14

Part 2, Chapter 15

Part 2, Chapter 16

Part 2, Chapter 17

Part 2, Chapter 18

Part 2, Chapter 19

Part 2, Chapter 20

Part 2, Chapter 21

Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 1

Part 3, Chapter 2

Part 3, Chapter 3

Part 3, Chapter 4

Part 3, Chapter 5

Part 3, Chapter 6

Part 3, Chapter 7

Part 3, Chapter 8

Part 3, Chapter 9

Part 3, Chapter 10

Part 3, Chapter 11

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        • The Idea of a University, Discourse 5: Knowledge Its Own End
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        • University Subjects, Discussed in Occasional Lectures and Essays >
          • Lecture 1 - Christianity And Letters. A Lecture in the School of Philosophy and Letters
          • Lecture 2 - Literature. A Lecture in the School of Philosophy and Letters
          • Lecture 3 - English Catholic Literature
          • Lecture 4 - Elementary Studies
          • Lecture 5 - A Form Of Infidelity Of The Day
          • Lecture 6 - University Preaching
          • Lecture 7 - Christianity and Physical Science. A Lecture in the School of Medicine
          • Lecture 8 - Christianity And Scientific Investigation. A Lecture Written for the School of Science
          • Lecture 9 - Discipline Of Mind. An Address To The Evening Classes
          • Lecture 10 - Christianity And Medical Science. An Address to the Students Of Medicine
      • Loss and Gain: The Story of a Convert by John Henry Cardinal Newman >
        • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 1 >
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 2
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 3
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 4
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 5
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 6
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 7
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 8
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 9
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 10
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 11
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 12
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 13
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 14
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 15
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 16
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 17
          • Loss and Gain, Part 1, Chapter 18
        • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 1 >
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 2
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 3
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 4
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 5
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 6
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 7
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 8
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 9
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 10
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 11
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 12
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 13
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 14
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 15
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 16
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 17
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 18
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 19
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 20
          • Loss and Gain, Part 2, Chapter 21
        • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 1 >
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 2
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 3
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 4
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 5
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 6
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 7
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 8
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 9
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 10
          • Loss and Gain, Part 3, Chapter 11
    • Saint Augustine of Hippo >
      • The Confessions of Saint Augustine by Saint Augustine, Bishop of Hippo >
        • Book 1 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 2 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 3 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 4 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 5 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 6 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 7 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 8 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 9 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 10 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 11 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 12 - Confessions by St. Augustine
        • Book 13 - Confessions by St. Augustine
    • G K Chesterton >
      • Heretics by G.K. Chesterton >
        • Heretics, Chapter 1: Introductory Remarks on the Importance of Orthodoxy
        • Heretics, Chapter 2: On the Negative Spirit
        • Heretics, Chapter 3: On Mr. Rudyard Kipling and Making the World Small
        • Heretics, Chapter 4: Mr. Bernard Shaw
        • Heretics, Chapter 5: Mr. H.G. Wells and the Giants
        • Heretics, Chapter 6: Christmas and the Aesthetes
        • Heretics, Chapter 7: Omar and the Sacred Vine
        • Heretics, Chapter 8: The Mildness of the Yellow Press
        • Heretics, Chapter 9: The Moods of Mr. George Moore
        • Heretics, Chapter 10: On Sandals and Simplicity
        • Heretics, Chapter 11: Science and the Savages
        • Heretics, Chapter 12: Paganism and Mr. Lowes Dickinson
        • Heretics, Chapter 13: Celts and Celtophiles
        • Heretics, Chapter 14: On Certain Modern Writers and the Institution of the Family
        • Heretics, Chapter 15: On Smart Novelists and the Smart Set
        • Heretics, Chapter 16: On Mr. McCabe and a Divine Frivolity
        • Heretics, Chapter 17: On the Wit of Whistler
        • Heretics, Chapter 18: The Fallacy of the Young Nation
        • Heretics, Chapter 19: Slum Novelists and the Slums
        • Heretics, Chapter 20: Concluding Remarks on the Importance of Orthodoxy
      • Orthodoxy by G. K. Chesterton >
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 1: Introduction in Defense of Everything Else
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 2: The Maniac
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 3: The Suicide of Thought
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 4: The Ethics of Elfland
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 5: The Flag of the World
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 6: The Paradoxes of Christianity
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 7: The Eternal Revolution
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 8: The Romance of Orthodoxy
        • Orthodoxy, Chapter 9: Authority and the Adventurer
    • Saint Thomas Aquinas >
      • On Prayer and the Contemplative Life by St. Thomas Aquinas >
        • On Prayer, Question LXXXI: Of the Virtue of Religion
        • On Prayer, Question LXXXII: Of Devotion
        • On Prayer, Question LXXXIII: Of Prayer
        • On Prayer, Question LXXII: Of the Prayers of the Saints who are in Heaven
        • On Prayer, Question CLXXIX: Of the Division of Life into the Active and the Contemplative
        • On Prayer, Question CLXXX: Of the Contemplative Life
        • On Prayer, Question CLXXXI: Of the Active Life
        • On Prayer, Question CLXXXII: Of the Comparison between the Active and the Contemplative Life
        • On Prayer, Question CLXXXVI: On the Religious State
      • Summa Theologica Part 1 ("Prima Pars") by St. Thomas Aquinas >
        • Summa Theologica (Questions 1 - 26)
        • Summa Theologica: Treatise on the Most Holy Trinity (Questions 27 - 43)
        • Summa Theologica: Treatise on the Creation (Questions 44 - 49)
        • Summa Theologica: Treatise on the Angels (Questions 50 - 64)
        • Summa Theologica: Treatise on the Work of the Six Days (Questions 65 - 74)
        • Summa Theologica: Treatise on Man (Questions 75 - 102)
        • Summa Theologica: Treatise on the Conservation and Government of Creatures (Questions 103 - 119)
      • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae") by St. Thomas Aquinas >
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on the Last End (Questions 1 - 5)
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on Human Acts: Acts Peculiar to Man (Questions 6 - 21)
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on the Passions (Questions 22 - 48)
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on Habits (Questions 49 - 54)
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on Habits in Particular (Questions 55 - 89): Good Habits, i.e., Virtues (Questions 55 - 70)
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on Habits in Particular (Questions 55 - 89): Evil Habits, i.e., Vices and Sin (Questions 71 - 89)
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on Law (Questions 90 - 108)
        • Summa Theologica Part 1-2 ("Prima Secundae"): Treatise on Grace (Questions 109 - 114)
      • Summa Theologica Part 2-2 ("Second Secundae") by St. Thomas Aquinas >
        • Summa Theologica Part 2-2 ("Second Secundae"): Treatise on the Theological Virtues (Questions 1 - 46)
        • Summa Theologica Part 2-2 ("Second Secundae"): Treatise on the Cardinal Virtues (Questions 47 - 122)
        • Summa Theologica Part 2-2 ("Second Secundae"): Treatise on Fortitude and Temperance (Questions 123 - 170)
        • Summa Theologica Part 2-2 ("Second Secundae"): Treatise on Gratuitous Graces (Questions 171 - 182)
        • Summa Theologica Part 2-2 ("Second Secundae"): Treatise on the States of Life (Questions 183 - 189)
      • Summa Theologica Third Part ("Tertia Pars") by St. Thomas Aquinas >
        • Summa Theologica Third Part ("Tertia Pars"): Treatise on the Incarnation (Questions 1 - 59)
        • Summa Theologica Third Part ("Tertia Pars"): Treatise on the Sacraments (Questions 60 - 90)
    • The Baltimore Catechism >
      • The Baltimore Catechism, Vol. 1
      • The Baltimore Catechism, Vol. 2
      • The Baltimore Catechism, Vol. 3
      • The Baltimore Catechism, Vol. 4
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